his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So vagazzling was a success
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
