I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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