I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
