I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize