Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
