the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
