this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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