my vag is so smooth its legendary
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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