My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
