I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
