My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
