definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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