Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
