Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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