I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
