Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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