i jhust puked up my retainher.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You made out with two different species that night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
