I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
