Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
