dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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