How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
