I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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