it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
