I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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