Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize