My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
