the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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