She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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