So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Actions speak louder than pants.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
