allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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