So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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