I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
3 2 1 whiskey
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
