There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
