i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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