a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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