No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
