I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
