I'm drive I can fine osifer
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
