I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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