Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
