Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(207): View more from Maine

I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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(343): View more from Ontario

I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time

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(443): View more from Maryland

Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking

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(914): View more from New York

Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing

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(971): View more from Oregon

just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..

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