All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
