yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
