i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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