So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
