i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize