Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
