Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
