I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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