I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
