This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize