Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
