What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
