I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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