He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
