whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
