My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
