So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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