lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
