this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
