come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
