best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
