Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize