I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
