I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
