And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
