we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
