Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize