Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize