I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
