we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
