I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
