D3 body, D1 cock
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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