He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
