hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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