well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
