My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
