So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
