hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
