made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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