That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
