Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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