Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize