saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
