Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
