i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
