all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
