Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize