u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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