dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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