Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
