I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
