The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
