I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
