The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
