He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we're so committed to being not committed
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