Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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