just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
