Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
