Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize