We're like a lot better than the average bears
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
