whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said her name was "party"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
