Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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