so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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